06/27/2019

I’ve becoming increasingly independent that it is now out of my comfort and is overwhelming me,.

Being independent and self-reliant was something I always boasted and was proud of, but now I don’t want it. I would like to know what it feels like to not worry about controlling every aspect of my life, to let go, to be free.

I do not recall the last time I didn’t worry, perhaps prior to my stepdad moving in with my mom when I was 7. Thankfully, he never sexually abused me but he did hit me and strike me relentlessly with the belt. I think at 10 I started inflicting pain onto myself and by 12 I started drawing blood.

My mom didn’t understand and I didn’t understand either why I would hurt myself, at times I think it was to prepare myself for future hits or also could have been me seeking some of the attention that I stopped receiving long ago. One memory that particularly stands out to me is one from when I was 10 years old and got a lead part in my 5th grade musical. I practiced every day ; I sang in the shower, practiced speech, etc., hoping to get the lead which I did and the day of the play comes and my mom comes late to my part and didn’t bring a camera.

Achievements of mine as I have aged have pretty much gone unrecognized and its frustrating. For some reason, I have come this far despite no help nor mentorship only to want to quit going on.

As a submissive, I seek the approval and long to please my Dominant, to the best of my abilities. I will try before I say no. As a submissive I am not shy, I am still confident; I choose to give up power and my pride for a moment of bliss hopefully achieved with pain.

I know nothing in life is worth having if it is easy, but I am a realist and I know those who acquire generational wealth have had it easy in the socio-economic aspect.

As a Domme, I want to inflict pain onto others, especially the rich white elite who’s Fortune 500 company only fosters disparity in our nations and abroad. I know I am Supreme. I know I am more strong and resilient than most of these men, who are nothing and of no value without their money. They are just slaves. Pitiful slaves who know they need to serve, because deep down they know that they are terrible human beings. I will make you fall in love with me, with the goal to break your heart and take all your money. Take every last cent as reparations for the unnecessary suffering I’ve endured caused by centuries of withheld social constructs made by your race.

can I just wake up to $xx,xxx dollars and relax , I deserve it and I’m invoking it.

good night.