announcement: if anyone would like to Venmo/Cashapp me $80-$100 so I can buy top shelf tomorrow, that would be greattttt… $Missush/@hnl777


Today was okay, it was really cold so I woke up at 7am only to go back to bed in the next hour. The hardwood floors do a good job of keeping my room cool. I woke up again and got ready for session with my Dom, which really was just another intro and not really a scene, just to gauge how much pain I can handle and what I like and don’t like so much.

Again, clothespins but the pain was not as bad as how I last remembered it. Being on the other side is really putting pain into perspective. I tend to stop breathing when I’m nervous, I realize lol. I am enjoying this newfound self-awareness.

Not sure if I’m depressed, tired, or lazy. I am always sleeping in, curling up underneath the sheets, forcing myself to sleep, even at times. Thats wrong probably. I can’t help it though. SAD maybe? lol. Its not that serious. Its just the season and the weather.


God, I’m really missing you today. Estoy a la merced de tu recuerdo.

Remember when we had just started dating and I asked if you were religious? To which you replied you were atheist. I asked again in a different way a couple months ago and you responded that you felt agnostic. I wonder what changed? Probably looming death upon all of us.

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