acrophobia

can’t believe this is my reality.

feels like I won the lottery.

I have all the resources I need at the tip of my fingers, I’d be a fool to not take advantage of the best opportunities. Because opportunities, there are plenty and I should allocate my time to the ones that will be the most useful to me. I have to make my choices and decisions worth it. Navigating uncharted waters, alone, again. Makes me anxious to think that this period in my life is going to determine the rest of it, and I have to make sure I don’t flop or get lost along the way.

“Its lonely at the top” probably won’t be true for me

I have grit. I’ve demonstrated it time and time again, since a child, since a teen, and over and over again as an adult. Sometimes I am modest about it, or try to be. Sometimes I look at how far I’ve come, looking down at the past, and get a little lightheaded. If you only knew where I started. A little earthworm with big dreams. Strange heights.

Unknown heights.

Because truly, from where I stand right now, it really looks like the sky has no limit. Its up to me to determine when I’m tired of climbing, when I’m done. I get frustrated, but my energy is limitless too. Blisters on my hand, proof that I’ve earned this. Like Jesus showing his disciples the gaping wounds in his hands. Proof that I’m real.

Happy that my road, the only road available to me, has been hard. It makes each win, achievement, accomplishment, much much sweeter.


Thinking of what to write, maybe just a thank you

for dangling the carrot in my face

a dream, an illusion

that I want to capture and claim mine.

a dream, an illusion,

that remains

ill work for it. fuck it.

ill continue striving for the nearly impossible.

but knowing my luck and perseverance,

its already destined to be mine.

it might just be me all along

sticky noting that dream to my forehead,

dreaming of the dangling carrot,

a constant reminder of what I need to achieve.

its going to be fine.

I like pretending I need you,

it makes me feel like theres another reason for trying.

I think I write to you so much because you’re a reflection of me.

I don’t want to be you,

but it would be a lie to say I don’t want to learn

from you.

I’ll make myself proud, and as a consequence I’ll see you smile.

Teach me how to sail,

take me sailing

I want to get away from it all,

once its all said and done.

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