aún suspiro por ti

aún suspiro por ti, para que mentir

la verdad ya no me causa pena, ni temor

porque mi unico amor eres tu.

anoche soñé contigo, eras mío y también de alguien mas.

desperte contemplando mi sueño, tratando de interpretarlo y entender lo que me quería decir.

creo que ya se acerca nuestro fin.

yo ya no quiero vivir así,

con angustia, ansiedad,

pensado que eres mio y también de alguien mas.

Its another day. Sometimes I wake up and you’re the first thing on my mind, other times you are not. And I’m glad that my priorities are shifting because I can’t continue loving you like this anymore. I try to think of a solution, and I think we’ve exhausted all of them. I don’t trust you anymore.

60 days for us to focus on ourselves. We’re approaching the deadline and I don’t think the time was enough. Considering where I want to be and the goals I have set for myself, I don’t want to be with you anymore. You’ve inspired as much as distrust. 60 days isn’t enough. Nor 100. I realize that loving you has made me fall from grace in pivotal moments in my life e.g. applying to college. You weren’t in love with me then and I’m unsure if you are now, Maybe you’re just afraid of being alone or just want me to yourself, as if I was a rarity, a curio (which I am). If I am going to fail, I’d rather it be exclusively through my own efforts and not as a byproduct of the lack of trust I have in you.

I think we were so attached to each other because we are both hungry for life. When we are together, theres an unexplainable otherworldly urgency to conquer everything, including each other. But I know when I’ve met excess and I begin to suspect you’ll forever remain greedy. I don’t think you’ll ever think you’ve had “enough”. And I really don’t want to stay to find out.

So, thanks for showing me a new life and inspiring me to dream big. I really wish this would have worked, but this time in solitude I’ve come to realize that I should be more selfish with my body, heart, and soul. I have a feeling that you’ve come to the same conclusion, but if you haven’t, the only way I would be willing to reconcile is if you got on your knees again, at my feet again. Con tu corazon en tu boca. If you are the love of my life and I yours as we so fiercely claimed, then nothing can permanently separate us. But I cannot continue lavishing my love onto you, I’m reserving all that love for me.

I am feeling better. I am feeling confident and sure again. Traits you adopted from me.

But regardless, I look forward to seeing you again. Whether its the last time were together or the first day of our forever.

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